Wednesday, June 20, 2012


Lately my life has been different. I work more, I leave home early in the morning and come back later than before. Today for the first time I was working all day. The kids are at home on Wednesday and they stayed with Earl. When they came back home from the park, I felt a little strange, it felt as if I had been away for a long time, as if I had come back from a long trip and everybody had made their new habits, without me.

I put Swann to bed like I do every night. Now we usually read a book before turning off the lights, and he likes keeping the book in his bed and continues to look at it after I left the room. When I come back a while later, he's often asleep, lying on the book. Tonight I kissed him a little more than usual.I felt guilty but thinking that I shouldn't feel guilty to work, I felt sad but thinking that I shouldn't feel sad. I also felt good that I have finally come to a point where I can work and be a mother at the same time.

Life is different also because something has changed in me and I hope it will stay like this. I feel more peaceful, even though I don't think it's very visible yet, I've been trying to give less importance to the things that usually bother me (like problems of organisation at my school for instance) and focus more on trying to be happy and content with small things. Does what I'm writing make any sense? I'm pretty tired tonight...

Oh and I will take yoga class next year, starting in September, I can't wait!

Oh and I've decided to take a Japanese cooking class when our finances will allow me to... I can make things like maki and onigiri, but I want to learn how to cut the fish to make sashimi, and also learn the traditional home cooking. I have an absolute admiration for traditional Japanese manners. And also I want to be in the position of the student again, and feel the satisfaction of learning something new.

I do believe that one can learn all their life. Actually, today more than ever, I can feel that I can learn more at 37 than ever before.

(some cheap Japanese takeaway food in the meantime...)

Absolutely no time for blogging of course, barely a minute or two here and there to visit the blogs I like... 


Maria said...

be well

Alexis said...

Ah, I've missed your posts, but happy that your life is good. Growing children, changing needs mean we are always having to adapt... I quite like this shifting life and I do think happiness is often found in the small details of life! I hope you still find time for your blog every now and then!

Round Circles said...

Bonsoir Anabelle,

heureuse de te lire à nouveau...Tu changes et c'est pour le meilleur!Cette distance que tu ressent,comme si tu t'étais absentée un long moment et que tu avais manquer des choses en fait: c'est positif!Les enfants grandissent en notre présence mais aussi en dehors de l'omniprésence de notre regard.Ca les fait grandir de ne pas nous avoir sur leur dos 24h/ toi tu t’épanouis par ailleurs!

Je t'embrasse
prends soin de toi surtout et je suis ravie que tu commences le yoga à la rentrée!

P.S: ces cours de cuisine,c'est une belle façon de prendre soin de soi!

Anabelle said...

Thank you, Maria ♡

Alexis, I totally agree with you, sometimes details count more than anything.

Nora, merci pour tes mots. Oui, tu as sûrement raison... même si c'est dur de voir qu'on n'est pas toujours indispensable, au fond c'est mieux comme ça... Bises!

Jen said...

Ah Anabelle how you say things that I think and feel too at 37! I haven't made the return to a 'real' job, but there is something about getting to this stage in life that has made me think more about what's important, and what's important to me. I feel like I learn something about this every day now. How grand it is to have this new knowledge now we're getting old! Enjoy your new inner peace x

Anabelle said...

Jen, good to know that there is another 37 young lady who feels like me ;-)