memories

Thanks a lot, everybody, for all your nice comments on my last posts. I wanted to answer each and every one but I got so busy cleaning the apartment, I didn't even come near my computer all weekend.


And suddenly, like it happens once in awhile, something brings me back to my teenagehood as if, as painful as it is, I have to somehow keep it in my heart and always remember.

Whitney Houston died and I remember this song, I was 15, I was in love and my main concern was to go out at night. Looking back at the video, I can't believe how we've changed. I thought her jeans and jacket were so cool. There was this boy in our class, Alban, who was really bad in English but super handsome. Anyway, one day I was sitting behind him in class and he turned around and asked me: What does "I'm your baby tonight" mean in French? Oh boy, 5 years of learning English to reach this level of ignorance...


When I was 16, my father took me to New York City, away from the chaos of our home for a week, and it was one of the most important moments in my life. I bought this song and this song there, and they helped me through hard times, when I couldn't sleep at night because life was way too complicated for me. I had straight hair but I wished I had curls like hers, I was bold and rebel, smoking and cursing, but deep inside I wished I were sweet and nice like her. 


Then when I was 23, I remember this song. I was in love (again) and I thought her leather trench was so cool.


Time has passed, and I had forgotten about all of that, hadn't heard about her for a long time until a few months ago, when Earl played her old videos on his computer while we were in the kitchen, late at night, and I was like "Oh my God, I remember this song! Wow, look at her hair! Oh I used to love this one!" She was part of my history, and with her goes a part of my fragile teenagehood. May she rest in peace, and may I keep growing, now that I know you can rebel and be sweet and nice at the same time.