Thoughts from Bordeaux...

Bordeaux is such a beautiful city... I will post pictures later when I am back home.


My father is great with us and with my baby. It's funny how sometimes we misunderstand people, even those who are the closest to us... A few months ago, I wrote a post about my father and I thought he didn't care so much about us. I was wrong. Yes he can be self centered. Yes he can be very much focused on himself and his books and sometimes likes to talk more than he likes to listen. But he is also a good father and grand-father, who has to deal with the fact that he's been living far away from us for almost twenty years now, and it's not always easy to catch up on everyone's daily life when you are not around all the time.


How will I be when my daughter is my age? What kind of mother will I be? 


Here in Bordeaux, the weather is nice. People look good and I am amazed at how trendy they look. They seem to enjoy life better than we do in Paris where life is expensive and stressful. I really enjoy walking in Bordeaux's streets, it feels different, time is different, less cars, less polution, less noise. There is a lot of small restaurants, nice shops, nice cafés, and the view on the Garonne is beautiful.


I miss my man, but I like missing him. He is at home, working. Today his three children came, they are going to stay a week. It made me nervous to hear that they were all there, because the two oldest (18 and 16) haven't come since this summer, they didn't want to come for many reasons and one of them is me. I don't know if any of you will ever experience that, but it is extremely difficult to be in the position of a step-mother. At least I find it difficult. I admire women like Mary J Blige who has such a great relationship with her step children. I am so far from that, it's sad.


I can't say I've always been perfect with them, actually I've been far from perfect. Once I thought that we would be happy, that we would be a family like in the Cosby Show (my favorite TV show when I was a teenager) but it didn't happen this way. It was going well in the beginning, then it got difficult and now they probably consider me at best like a stranger, at worst like an enemy... Maybe things will change... But I can tell you that this is all very difficult, for them as well as for my man, and for me. But since my man told me that they were at our place, I feel nervous. 


I would like to know how it feels to have your father or your mother remarried when you are still young. If anybody reads this who has this kind of experience, please feel free to leave a comment, it would be very helpful. I like the fact that blogs can make people talk and exchange their experiences on life.


I feel very confused tonight...

Mary J Blige and her admirable willpower and strenght...