Sunday, February 6, 2011

"Why do you complain all the time?"

I can't stand when my man tells me that I complain all the time. First of all, I think there is a big difference between saying that you don't agree with something and complaining, or trying to understand why things are done a certain way and complaining. I hate when, just because I am not in a great mood all day long or I don't show a joyful face for a moment, then I "complain". I guess it all depends on the way things are said and I may not be the best person to say things in a very diplomatic way. But why should I be moodless (I don't even know if this word exist...)? I am not a Barbie doll, I can't spend all my time smiling. Sometimes yes, I make a face, I get upset, I don't agree, I am not very nice. Yes I can be nervous or down and then I am not as funny and sweet. But then I hear that I "complain all the time". 

How many times have I said "thank you" today, and how many times have I said "it's great!" or "that was really nice of you"? 

This is a dilemna for me. Part of me tells me that I have to be a "good woman", I have to be sweet and nice. Another part tells me that I need to speak my mind, I have to be a "free woman" and I can't let anybody prevent me from speaking or thinking. I know that if you are nice with your man, you've got more chance that he will be nice with you in return. Yet, sometimes you just want to be yourself and when you don't like something, you want to just feel free to say it. If I don't, I feel like I am being fake and I don't like being fake. But I remember what my man told me not a long time ago (I wrote about that in a post called "Good"): "I prefer a compliment even if it is fake, because it makes me feel good". I understand his point and part of me agrees with that. But at the same time, what if you find out that this compliment was fake, can you still trust the person? Doesn't this fake compliment  become the worst criticism? 

To go to the extreme, imagine someone who would tell you: "You look sooo beautiful!" and then, a few minutes later, you catch the same person, not knowing that you can hear him/her, telling someone about you: "She's so ugly"* How would you feel? The next time this person will give you a compliment you will not believe him/her...

I agree that people who do complain all the time are very annoying and actually they are not the kind of people I like being around. But still, we all have our moments when we feel nervous or tired and we have less patience. 
I mean, any woman who has been pregnant knows that it is very tiring. In the beginning you feel tired and very emotional, and at the end of the pregnancy, your belly feels like you are carrying a baby elephant inside your womb and your legs feel like you are 90 years old when you're not even 40. It is tiring and sometimes frustrating. Not to mention the fact that the day when you are going to actually have to get this "elephant" out of your body is approaching and, even if you can't wait to see your baby and you are sooo happy to be a mother and to give birth, you feel a little nervous about it. 
But I don't know a lot of men who say to their pregnant wife/girlfriend/lover at the end of the day: "Thank you for carrying our baby all day". If he is nice and if he can do it, he will help you more at homethan usual and you will thank him ten times because you feel guilty that you don't do those things as much as before you were a 90 year-old woman carrying a baby elephant. You will thank him for the dinner he nicely cooked even if it was too heavy for your diet. But if, while he is cooking, you make an attempt to say that you can't eat a potatoe pie with fried vegetables inside because it is too heavy for you, he will not like it. He will think that you came in the kitchen to complain about his way of cooking and not that the reason why you made this comment is because you are following your diabetic diet like a religious because of the baby that you love so much and who you want to be in good health. Personnally, I don't mind eating heavy things once in awhile (just go to my post "Diabete" if you need a proof...). But I ate a "galette des rois" last night for my birthday, so I am supposed to eat light today, that's how I managed to keep my body so slim and my baby in great shape by the way.

But how many men will tell you, everyday: "Thank you for being so careful to keep our baby healthy and not to gain too much weight"?... I made a point today in wearing this jegging that my man gave me and that couldn't fit me when I was a few months pregnant. Today it fits me perfectly. No comment... I had to mention it, saying that it was amazing that now I can wear it, and then he said "Yes, it's amazing". Ok, we all have our moments and we can't always focus on the man/woman we live with. And I don't need to be treated like a queen all the time. But before telling me that I "complain all the time" it would be good to look at all the compliments I give and efforts I make on a daily basis...

Also, maybe he will have to take a trip through out France for a few days next week, for his job. I know how important it is and I know we need this money. But I admit that it does make me nervous. What if I go in labour while he is away? What if he has to leave right after our baby comes? I tried to express my stress today about that but he said that nothing is for sure so far and it is like worrying about what if there is an earthquake or something like that. Ah ah. Name me one woman - who loves her man of course - who would not be worried that he could not be there when baby comes. I guess it is all in the words, because when I expressed my concern today about that, I felt like I was complaining again...

But it's ok, because I still love him anyway. And since I know I am not perfect, I can't expect him to be perfect...

* What I had written before really didn't make sense... I forgot the "not" very pretty... That's why I corrected ^^

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