Friday, January 21, 2011

Going out at the mall...

This afternoon I felt tired but I didn't want to stay at home doing nothing. I went to the mall to find a book for my father which I didn't find. Then I went to the M.A.C store to try on some make-up. In Les Halles, which is a big mall in the center of Paris, they have a great M.A.C store with talented and very nice makeup artists who help you find the right product. 

There I met Cyril, who works in the store and is a makeup artist, this guy is sooo nice and passionated. He made me try a lot of stuff and gave me good advices. Plus he has a good sense of humor. I love the fact that now there are men in stores like that, like makeup or fashion stores, they usually have a great passion for what they do and they can really look at you with friendly masculine eyes, which is different from a woman's look. I tend to trust men more when it comes to telling me what fits me the best... But in general I love people who have a passion for their jobs, like when you go to a bookshop and a guy can spend 20 minutes with you telling you about books that you might enjoy, or when you go to a flowershop and the girl there will make the nicest bouquet for you, with gestures that show how much she loves and is inspired by the flowers.

For a moment, there at M.A.C, I felt like a woman before anything else. Not a big pregnant belly, not a mother, not a tired wife, not a patient at the hospital, but a woman. Right now, I feel like I desperatly  need those moments to forget that soon I will be mainly at home, taking care of the baby, retired in my most instinctive function of being a mother, breastfeeding and maybe not caring so much about how I look, or - even worth - caring but not having time to pay attention to how I look. I am happy to have this baby and live this great experience again, ten years after I had my first child. But it does scare me a little: Am I going to have a place outside of my house? Am I still going to exist for the outside world? Am I going to be able to be something else than a mother? What is my body going to look like? 

We don't know what people really feel, what they really think, what is their life. Take for instance this man, Cyril, that I met at the M.A.C store. With is kindness and his smile, he makes his clients feel good, he helps them feel more beautiful, he gives them a moment of glow when he puts makeup on them, dedicated to them for this very moment, sitting them in front of the mirror like they are someone special. I have noticed that when you sit down there and they do your makeup, the other clients look at you with attention and a touch of admiration. That's the power of Cyril and his collegues' brushes and eyes on your face. All of a sudden, they make you stand out of the unanymous crowd. 
But what truly is behind Cyril's smile and kindness, I don't know. Maybe he had a bad day yesterday, maybe he had a wonderful night and just fell in love, maybe he has problems with someone in his family or is rejected by someone he loves, maybe he has a dream that makes him wake up in the morning, maybe he is planning to go on holidays or maybe he is completely broke. Maybe he is a very nice person with his close friends or maybe he has no friends or handles his love life poorly or maybe he has a very steady life and has been with the same person he loves for many many years... I guess all of that doesn't matter, because what is real is what he gives you to see about him. The image we give is - for those we will never see again - all that we are, this is why I think the first image is so important.

Who could tell that this woman, wearing her big afro and walking with so much confidance, has to drink a bottle of wine each and every night to put herself to sleep? Who would say that this nice and sweet girl can throw insults at her boyfriend with such a violence that even herself doesn't know where it comes from? And this lady who seems to be so shy, who would say that she puts her man in transe when they make love because she is soo sexy? Who would know that this dynamic young man who his crossing the street has suffered from bad treatment from his father all his childhood? Who would guess that this old man cracking jokes with his friends at the bar is crying inside because his loneliness is acting in him like a cancer? Who could read behind the bitterness of this woman at the post office who answers to you rudely? If anyone could see through her annoyment maybe they would find out that she is devastated by anger and pain because her beloved son died in a car accident a year ago. 

We all hide behind some kind of makeup... We all put different colors and attitudes on our face in the morning...

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