These last two months, I have been listening to her music a lot, and especially when I felt down or stressed. I like the title of her album: "Beautiful imperfection".
Why do we - or at least I - always want to hide our imperfections? At the M.A.C store, the make-up artist Cyril told me that we usually focus on things that we don't like about us but that only us can see. It is true. And Momo, the other make-up artist that I met two weeks ago at the photo shoot, told my daugther and her cousin that if there is something physical that they find unusual about them, like a big nose, or a wide forhead, or big ears, or super straight hair when they would want waves, they should play with it and not be ashamed of it or try to hide it, because this is what will make them unique.
Yes, we try to be perfect but maybe what makes us unique is not the perfect things we can show off, but these little imperfect things that are part of our charm and personality. It is a very hard job to try to be perfect all the time. I litteraly exhaust myself trying to always hide my own imperfections when what attracts me about people is in general how they get stronger by dealing with their fragility. But I know I will never be perfect, no one can, and yet I am so hard on myself. Someone told me once that I am a tyran to myself because I feel guilty about a lot of things that I do, and am always doubting and questionning myself: Did I do the right thing? Shouldn't I do this or that? Why didn't I do this? Why did I do that?... It is extremely tiring!
As I am writing this, I am thinking: What would I do, or not do, if I walked out of my apartment for a day, completely freed from my complexes? Would I dress the same way? Would I walk the same way? Would I wear make-up? Would I smile more, or less? It is not easy to know what we do to give a good image of us and what we do because we genuinely want to do it... I know a girl who never seems to care about her appearance, she dresses with the first clothes she finds in the morning, doesn't put any make-up on, has bad hair, and each time I see her, something about her makes me a little depressed, I feel bad for her, and I can't help but thinking that her life would be very different if she cared a little bit more about the way she looks. One could say that it is extremely futile. But, still, I don't know what is worse between wanting to be perfect and not caring at all... People who show their beauty attract people more. And I am totally convinced that beauty is not about being tall and slim and blond or anything like that. I think anybody can be beautiful, it just depends on how they present themselves. A smiling face will get more smiles than an upset face, that's a fact.
I have been following this girl for a little while, Kandee Johnson, on the Internet. She has two blogs and is famous for her make-up tutorial videos. (I am into make-up and leopard stuff these days, it's a little like my "pregant- woman-strawberry-need"!) I think she is touching and fun. And even though there must be a thousand million differences between us, I like her vision of life. In an interview, she said that what she loves about make-up is that it makes people feel beautiful, they can shine. Her philosophy is that if you decorate the outside, then people will act differently with you and then you'll feel better in the inside too. I like this idea... It is not about faking or wearing a desguise, but just showing the best part of yourself, and being rather attractive than repulsive to the others. This is why taking care of myself is so important to me. So what would it be like if I walked out without caring at all about how I look and what I say or do? I don't even know if I would want to see that... Maybe I would feel free from this image I carefully give out to people, but would it be me?...
Kandee Johnson
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