Today I am at home, working on my new work project, but somehow cleaning and shopping for food took most of my morning. I'm not going to debate about being a woman...
My daughter had an extra agenda at the beginning of the school year, because they were given one by the school and I'd still gotten her another one (don't ask me why, please). So she's been using the extra one to note down everyday the things that she has done. It's like a diary of facts, not really thoughts, except for things like "Three more days before Christmas :)". Just a few words on what she did with her friends at school, what we did in the weekend, things like that. One day, she read me what she had written on a Saturday, and it was very casual. That day had been quite auwful, with a lot of screaming and
I've been thinking about that a lot lately, and how I apply myself to almost only write about good things in my blog. And why all the blogs I read and like only talk about good and nice things too, and even when one complains, it's always in a fun and light way.
When I was much younger, I used to write diaries. Pages and pages of things about me, my life, my inner life. It was so dark. (I was once a tortured and very unhappy teenager). Much later, one day, when I was pregnant with my daughter, 11 years ago now, I read through my old diaries and felt terrible. It deeply affected me to be reminded of these gloomy thoughts and desperate feelings I've had in the past. So I decided to throw all of my diaries away, along with the old pictures of old boyfriends and old stuff that I was holding on to.
Once in awhile, I kind of regret I did that, because I used to write poetry and what I wrote is now dead forever, but at the same time I'm happy I did, because I just don't want to be reminded again. The best would have been to put everything in a box and store it somewhere far away. But anyway, just like my daughter, I want to remember only the good things. Even the smallest good things. Especially the smallest things, because they are easy to forget.
Like my healthy lunch today after barely eating anything for lunch for days (frozen things that were not bad actually - I'm usually not a big fan of readymade food, but sometimes you have to compromise...), the picture of my baby on my desktop, and his toys on the floor, next to my table.