Today I was walking outside when I saw a group of 5 young people sitting and talking at the terrace of a café. They were about 20 and the girls look pretty, they had beautiful hair and nice eyes. They didn't need make-up. They were dressed casually but fashionable and the boys where handsome. For a second I looked at them. They were sitting there as if they were at home, with one foot on the chair, their phones and bags everywhere on the table, they were having fun. You could tell. I passed them by and I caught myself uttering a sigh.
I am 16 years older than 20 year-olds. I have to go back home to wash clothes and take care of my kids. I don't have time to call my friends and even less time to see them. I have to dye my hair if I don't want my grey hair to show. I don't have time to change my nail polish so often, but it doesn't look cool on my nails when it's going off. Happy hours in bars don't make any difference to me. I can't even remember the last time I went to the movies, with or without kids. I don't know most of the new singers and actors.
What would I do if I were 20 again? Like my cousin who just turned 20 a few days ago and went on a trip to Barcelona with his friends.
If I was 20, knowing what I know, I would do a lot of things differently. I would know where not to go, what not to do, I would choose my friends with different standards, I would value different things.
But at the same time, I know, if I changed the slightest thing in my past, my entire life would be different, I wouldn't be where I am, there wouldn't be Florina, or Swann, or Earl. So, for better or for worse, I love my life and take it has it is. I can't go back, all I can do, is try to make things good for today and tomorrow. But it's the very first time in my life that I feel a twige of sadness thinking: They're lucky to be 20...
Picture taken from the backstage of the Maggie fashion show in July 2011.