2 years old

Today was my little boy's birthday. 2 years old and I can see how "big" he is now.

He loves cars and motos and garbage trucks a lot, dancing to nursery songs on the Internet, playing ball, running, walking backwards, cleaning (I know!), and talking.

I just love listening to him talking, and how quick and curious he is.

vavu, maman? (t'as vu, maman?)
Kanku (thank you)
lalu, vava? (salut, ça va?)
bèbelle (camion poubelle)

I am so proud of my son. 

face to face

So I finally joined in the Facebook family. I am was not a social network kind of person (says the girl who is writting this blog).
I know all of you must be on Facebook already and what I'm going to write here will probably remind you of when you first became "friends" again with your oldest friends. 
Maybe it is because I just turned 38, but for me, it was a bit of a shock to see the recent pictures of some of my childhood friends, to say the least. What the f*ck?! They look so much like... grown-ups...
Last night I spent more than an hour chatting on Facebook with my very first boyfriend. I was 12. He was around 13-14. He was a graffiti artist then, and still is. When he showed me a picture of him now, with his son who is around the same age as my daughter, I felt a great relief: he looks just like I would have imagined. Finally someone who I can relate to! It was quite amazing to talk with him and to hear about his life and what's been going on for him.

This Facebook revival made me think a lot. It's like each time a new old friend shows up, a part of me that was deeply burried shows up, revealing to me that, contrary to what I believed, I am still the same, and in a way, they all are, too.
Marina, Sandra, David, Nathalie... At first I almost hated them for being so physically different. How dare they show me how much older we are?! And then, quickly, my vision changed, and I started loving them again for being there, no matter how different from each other we have grown, no matter their lives and surroundings. Some of them have posted school pictures and there I am, with my turquoise Converse shoes and my hair straighter and blonder than it is now. As I look at myself, over 25 years ago, I can see that I am the same: bold and shy, a big mouth with a secret heart, rough and sweet, a dreamer, tough and fragile, light and dark, happy and angry. I was a child with an urgent desire to become an adult. 
Lately I have been feeling that I am nowhere near who I thought I would become at this point in my life - I was wrong. I think I am just who I've always been.

2013

What will 2013 bring?

I have been away for so long... I had no time for my blog, and not really anything to say. These have been pretty tough months, in the end.

The snow came and covered Paris with white. They played like I used to when I was a kid. 

And in the street next to ours, they met a new friend.

♡

First picture: detail from an Antoine Schneck's photography 

Autumn

Autumn leaves in the park.
They gather the leaves and make a mountain, and jump on it.
He takes it as a bed.

My daughter's father sent her a gigantic package with a billion pieces of clothes for her and UGG shoes for both of us.
It's the first time — after the Moonboots period, when I was around 10 (and I think I had them in pink...) — that I wear really warm winter shoes.

I want to feel the joy of life, and not let small things bother me.(Easier said than done.)

happy

Four more years.
Well, the world is not all bad in the end. As I am reading the Dalaï-Lama, I understand that it often depends on how you look at things. But this new day makes me happy.

I like this picture that he posted on twitter.

Amsterdam ♥♥♥ (part 2)

It would be great if here too, we could barbecue in the parks, like in Amsterdam. And ride our bikes everywhere.

It would be fun if there were pools for kids in the parks where they can play while parents chat drinking wine with their feet in the water, like in Amsterdam.

It would be nice if people said hello to you in the streets. And if they had the same look on eachothers as they do in Amsterdam.

But Paris is just not Amsterdam, and I guess you have to live with it... (I might get myself a bike though...)

proud

Today — especially — I am a very proud maman. My daughter is going to collège (junior high school). I look at her and I think she's just amazing. She's fun and witty and pretty and curious, and she's got a lot of personality.

I recently got her a portable phone. To the recurent question "Maman, when will I have a cell phone?", I've been answering for years "You'll have one when you go to junior high" and, well... this is now. (To be honest, I got her one mainly because I feel more secure to know she can call if needed.) Of course, she spent her time sending and receiving textos yesterday and this morning! Oh la la, it's just a start! 

I've noticed that lately, I've spent a lot of time with her. Shopping for school and new clothes, baking cookies, chatting in her room. I want to enjoy this moment as much as I can. I feel like I am holding on to something that will have to change, no matter what, because she is growing and that's a good thing. 

But for the moment, she is still my little (almost big) girl, and I know this is going to be an important year, so I'm glad I can be present for her.

I've looked at the other mothers in front of the school this morning. You could see they all had made an effort to look a little special today. I guess we want our kids to be proud of us, too. I'm thinking when Swann will go to junior hight school, I will be ten years older, and I will have to have a very good anti-aging cream! So far I'm doing pretty well and people still call me mademoiselle most of the time, so I think I'll be fine...

Ok, why am I talking about anti-aging cream anyway? Uhh... I guess this is the first-day-in-junior-high-for-my-daughter  effect...

Happy first day of school for your kids too!

Florina, je t'aime ♥♥♥

Amsterdam ♥♥♥ (part 1)

We fell in love with Amsterdam. Was it the niceness of the people? Or their easy way to be? Amsterdam is open-minded and tolerant, charming, green, and fun.

(At Meester Burger's)

(At the Artis Zoo.)

(At Jeugland, Flevopark)

(At the beautiful Tropenmuseum)

I hope you all had a beautiful month of August. Are you happy to go back to work/school/normal life? 

the wheel

And I finally did it. On my last post, I wrote about the Paris wheel and said I had been too scared to go on it. Well, I did it yesterday, and I survived, and I actually enjoyed it a lot. I couldn't say I was extremely comfortable up there, especially with a bit of wind and a weird sound from the engine, but I got to see the most beautiful view on Paris by night.

I went up there with my man, we had a date out while my lovely cousin was taking care of the kids. Swann did ask about me several times aparently, and one last time when she said goodnight to him, but he slept really well like usual (sorry Kerry, I had to mention that). 

It felt so good to be a tourist in my own city, and to have a moment with Earl without the kids. Honestly, holidays are another kind of work for the parents...

On the wheel, I thought that I must take more risks in my life. I can't continue to stay only where I know I am safe, and always say "maybe another time". I don't want to wake up one morning and find that I am too old to do anything, and think that it's too late. More than ever before, I am now conscious that time passes, and that the years gone by will never be returned. Oh oh, I think I'm starting to sound a little depressing...

By the way, is there anything cutter than my little boy saying "oh-oh"? This is his new favorite, he says oh-oh when something looks unfamiliar, or when something fell on the floor for instance. I admit I do say oh-oh quite often just to hear him repeat it after me. Oh--oh. Absolutely adorable. 

My kids grow so fast. I'm glad I have this time with them, and I can just be there and watch them play. 

I think Swann is already training for the Olympics!

30 minutes away from my kitchen

Yesterday I took my kids to the Jardin des Tuileries. Maybe one of the most beautiful places on earth. 
Have you seen the movie Diva, by Jean-Jacques Beineix? I used to love this movie when I was a teenager, and the scene at the Tuileries is a pure marvel.


So there we were. Swann was digging the durt with his little sand shovel, and Florina was slumped on a bench that people pay a fortune just to sit on. They come from all over the world. You can tell by the look in their eyes that they think Paris is magnificent.

At the funfair, teenagers were going on some crazy attractions, things that throw you high in the air and then turn you upside down and then keep you there, hanging for seconds that must feel like eternity. They were screaming so loud they probably lost their voices up there, somewhere between the rooftops on rue de Rivoli and the blue sky. At first I thought: you must be insane to want to go there and actually enjoy it. And then I realized that it surely helps teenagers get their frustrations out, it's actually very healthy and I should have gone up there myself when I was their age (I did cigarettes instead).

Looking at the ferris wheel, it reminded me of one of the first dates I had with Earl, and he wanted us to go up there and I said I was scared, and he called me a chicken (which I am, and also I have vertigo). I said I would go for my 35th birthday and I still haven't. Maybe next year, who knows. Now Florina wants to go with me, too. I'm trapped.

And then 30 minutes later, I was in my kitchen making dinner. Deep inside, I know how lucky I am, because this city, well, this is my home and I can't tell with words how much I love it.

hello

Hello there!


I've noticed yesterday that I hadn't posted anything for more than a month. Wow. Time flies.
I could say that I've been working and with the kids on holidays and all, it was not easy to find time for myself. Which is true. But I should also say that I needed time off, was wondering if I should continue this blog or just slowly drift away and disapear from the blog world.


The thing is, it takes time to write a blog. And also, lately I haven't had anything that I wanted to share, I felt more like living life and not keeping it on this blog. 
And then yesterday, I started taking pictures with my feet on them, and I thought "I'll post that one". And that one. And that one. Am I back to the blog? It looks like I am.
And then today I have a message from my blog friend Alexis, and I want to know about Coco and Henry, and I wonder how Nora is, and what FCC have been doing lately. And what about Kerry and her lovely finds on the Internet? And Anna's beautiful interiors.
I missed that!

Oh, and Swann has started saying words that we can understand! So far he was speaking his own little language that sounds more like an Indian language. It is sooooooo (read a hundred O's) cute! Like "asi" for "merci", "sosu" for "chaussures" (shoes), "nan" for "non"/"no". He says "daddi" with a French kind of "i", and "nana" or "Oïna" for Florina. I think with "no" and "thank you" and his pretty smile, the world is his now. I love that he can start expressing himself much better, with words but also with gestures, how he takes our hands to take us where he wants to go, or brings us our shoes when he wants to go out. Also, he can say goodbye in both French and English, which is absolutely adorable.


And my girl, she is becoming such a big girl!  She's into the show "Shake it up" now and could spend the day in front of Disney Channel, which, unfortunately for her, we don't allow. She loves wearing bright colors. She hates salad and could easily live without eating fruits and vegetable (expect for berries and artichokes), but she cares about the environment and she loves exotic food. Yes sometimes/often she speaks her mind more than she should, but you should have seen her dancing in front of hundreds of people at her dance show, she was not scared at all, she loved it and she was splendid!

Well... I missed you and I hope you are all doing great ♥♥♥

A new chapter

This morning I went to enrol my daughter in her future new school, the junior high school (or secondary school, or as we say in France "collège"). 
In less than two weeks, school is going to end and it's going to be the end of primary school for her. 


When I left the office, it was the break (my God, the bell rang SO loud, I almost had a heart attack) and all the kids where going out of class, and they looked so big compared to her. 
I went back home with tears in my throat. I know this is very silly. She's growing. It's a new chapter that she is going to write, and today it makes me feel very nostalgic. 
I know it's going to be great. I know it's going to be exciting and challenging. I know.
But today, I just feel like I felt when she started pre-school, years and years ago. My heart is happy and proud, but also heavy, and a little worried.

this weekend

This weekend.
Weak appearances of the sun.
My baby following his shadow.
Rain.
Soaked shoes and jeans.
My girl playing ball and watching Disney Channel.
A night out.
Waffles for breakfast with lots of Nutella.
A very fragile couple.

  Where is Summer?


Sometimes you have all you've ever dreamed of, and yet it doesn't seem to be enough, or right. Can I ever be satisfied? I'm trying hard to find peace in life, but it's not always easy.